im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
