Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
