I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
