If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
