I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love having hate sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
