Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
