Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
