While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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