I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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