i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just sent this text using only my big toe
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
