So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
