I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
