nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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