I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize