The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just had sex bonerless
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize