My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
