i just wanna soil my oats bro
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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