I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
