is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I did not marry a roomba.
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