my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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