The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
