Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
