Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
