i would punch a child for taco bell
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
