Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
