"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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