So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
