Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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