I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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