Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
