How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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