my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
