My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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