I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
