Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also, beer. Big fan.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
