I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
