4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
