why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
