guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
