I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
