My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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