So drunk its hurt
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
