yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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