It's Friday. Sex?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
