i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize