You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize