I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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