i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
