does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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