You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
