Porn is love you can see.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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