So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
