So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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