Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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