come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
