I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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