dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
