New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
