Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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