I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
