I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
