Already got asked if we're dating
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
