He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
