And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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