Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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