My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
