Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
