You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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