New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
