If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
