I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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