I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
